The Madcap
The Madcap's JournalThe Door
There are many doors
Some painted bright
Welcoming entry
With no locks, an easy push and you’re in
Each one an opportunity
A chance at adventure
A change for the better
A pathway to a goal
But some doors are hidden
Deep in the shadows
Painted black, entry forbidden
From what lurks on the inside
Those doors lead to pain
Hatred, fear, struggle
For what is within is poison
To the innocent soul
As we walk through our lives
And see the countless doors
We must open some
But we can’t open all
For doors lead to doors
Leaving hallways behind
Moving forward
From room to room
But out in the future
There is one Final Door
That awaits all of us
At the end of the hall
A door best avoided
But drawn like a magnet
We shuffle towards it
One day at a time
When the door is opened,
We are drawn inside
Then, the door is shut
The handle locked
The way out barred
To never return
To the hall we have left
The door disappears
And in that doorless room
Is the secret to all life
In the end we all will know
What awaits us
Are there other doors beyond?
I can’t say, for I can’t see them
But someday in the future
I will know…after the door is closed.
The Idiocy of Ignorance
Why would one not want to know
The truths in this world hidden away
Requiring thought and knowledge
Insight and intuition
A background constructed
From facts, truth, and labor
Connections and language
Artistic vision revealing.
Yet…
Too many don’t care
As they float through their days
Consuming the voices
Images of strangers
Who care not what they think
Nor where they’ve been
And any deep thoughts
Bring scorn on their heads
From vapid discussions
Of fashions obsolete
While hormones infuse the air
With animal senses obscene
Pain
When I was young
My body strong, in touch
With itself, monitored
By a brain pliant and healthy
Pain was in an instant
External, a warning shot
A sting, a burn, an impact
An initial sharp stabbing of the knife
A peak and then a fade
To a forgotten memory
But now, as I have aged
Pain is my faithful companion
My annoying sidekick
In this life’s long journey
Gnawing at my insides
Strained within my spine
It never ends, just ebbs and flows
With each change in position
And every indulgent meal
Or day of physical labor
A sudden lift is just enough
To remind me of my constant friend
Who slaps me back to reality
When I think myself immortal
--
But up in the tower that is my mind
The stones are scattered
Memories shattered
As I struggle to make sense of it all
Feelings never neutral
Weigh down one side of the scales
With darkness, fear, and anguish
About all that is to come
All that I’ve experienced
Is nothing to so very many
Who’ve lost it all to war
Disease and financial ruin
--
So can I bear the weight
As I carry my own burdens?
Will I snap in two
Like the camel from the straw?
Or will I live in dignity
Knowing to hurt is to be human
As the years fly by
One painful day at a time?
To be is to live with pain…
Wanderer
Alone
Beneath an endless sky
No horizon in sight
A distant forever…
I walk alone
Mile upon mile
Over rugged stones
Sharp cutting points
No smooth ground
Shoes worn to nothing
For years, I have journeyed
A nomad, a wanderer
In the great wilderness of life
Dangers surrounding
No guardians, no friends
Red eyes in the darkness
And yet for every step
The wasteland never ends
As I wander through the hazards
Never having hope
Always under threat
Adrenaline unending
--
Long long ago
I was abused, misused
Tormented and hated
For reasons unknown
I was driven away
Rejected, forgotten…
But what do I search for?
Will I know when I have found it?
The goal is undefined
I struggle to understand
Just what it is I hunt for
In my forever walk
--
Is there anybody out there?
Anyone who cares?
About a lowly, lonely, hidden soul
Invisible to all?
Does anyone know
How to relieve the pain of wandering
From place to place in silence
Tears of fear outpouring
Does anybody hear?
Does anybody see?
This wandering dot in a sea of stone
Frozen in this field?
--
On the verge of bleak surrender
As I take my final steps
I look towards the East
On a hill ahead
Way off in the distance
A house of white appears
Onward in that direction
Must be my single goal
Step by step, I look ahead
A line, a path, a narrow road
Growing nearer every minute
I hope to find a healing rest
As I approach the house
I see a swarming mass
Of people now outpouring
Hands held forward
Calling me onward
To their welcome refuge
Finally…no wandering
I am here
I am home…
Delusions
All is true
All I believe
Alternative views
Are not welcome
I have been told
Instructed in tales
Stories heroic
Morals from on old
I don’t care what you tell me
No evidence leads to change
No science invalidates
No truth overwhelms
I will never change
My heart is steadfast
My mind focused like stone
I have all I need to survive
--
When new knowledge reaches the public eye
Why do so many ignore the new truths?
Why do so many discard the new facts?
Why do so many imagine they own reality?
Deluded fools who think wisdom is never changing one’s mind
No matter what the circumstances, no matter what is said
They are buried in graves of absent thought
With no hope of self-improvement
--
There is truth
Why ignore it?
Why sit steadfast
In your delusions?
Words
Fluttering on the breeze
Words enter hearing ears
Or dripping from the pen
Never disappearing
Words live…words die….
Words fade…words are born…
Words inspire the heart
Words destroy the soul
The babbling of babies
The babbling of the old
Words can drive the calm to anger
Words can calm the angry man
Words can console
Words can crush
Words are the connections
That bind us as humans
When I speak, I might stumble
With no confidence
Not knowing the missing word
That escapes my shaking voice
When I speak, I might succeed
In bringing you in to hear my thoughts
Grandiose or powerful
Or just a glimpse of truth
When I meet someone for whom my words are a mystery
Who speaks a different language
The meaning is lost, but somehow, by glances,
The meaning might be found
If we work to understand
By gestures or words related
It’s possible to know
Part of what we want to talk about
Words matter, words can be trifles
Words are shouted, words are whispered
Words are curses, words are blessings
Words are cruel, words are kind
For every word I’ve written down
For every word I’ve spoken
For all the words I’ve read
For all the words I’ve thought
I can never imagine the pain
Of knowing no language,
Of speaking no words
Of never hearing the human voice
The missing link of human love
The sounds of words
Between us…
Building Hope
When everything around is burning
Rubble abounds, fires out of control
Everything scrambled, all is random
Nothing left good, all is done.
It is so hard to find a ray of light
In the darkness of the human heart
Where evil lurks in shadowed rooms
Awaiting an opening for power
And yet we must search
To hunt for the positive
We must look to a future
Of possibility and clarity
Where the best can arise
And the weak can be strengthened
In hope and expectation
Of life forward improving
Can we shut out the darkness?
Can we still those loud voices?
Shouting out hatred
Screaming in pain?
Can we build a wall ‘round it?
Surrounding the fear?
Burying the hopelessness
Deep underground?
Where do we search
For a bright starry future
When our eyes remain closed
To the light?
Aging
The day will come when I am finally free
Free of the pain of struggle
Whether toiling from work
Or failing in health
The days will conspire
To take it away
My bones tell the stories
Of motions not practiced
And years of neglect and mistreatment
My muscles are strained
Tired, weak, and flabby
Used only for sitting and sleep
Within the prison of the body
The mind flits from cell to cell
Imagining a past nearly heroic
When times were joyous
And filled with bright colors
Play, discovery, invention
But now time leaves me
On its way to forever
Splitting from my soul
To wherever it goes
A black empty space
I can never imagine
Is that all there is?
A vast void forever
With no thoughts, no memories, no feeling?
Can that be the end
That I’ve marched all this way for?
A room full of nothing but silence?
Or is there more that I cannot imagine?
A glory, an explosion of beauty?
Fond remembrances
Sweet release
No suffering
No pain….
Recovery
A long uphill road,
Filled with potholes
Crossed by barriers
Too high to climb…
A trek so slow across the minefields
One step at a time
Always knowing what is behind
Temptation abounds to turn back
So many walls, high and irregular
Difficult to climb
Bloodying the fingers
One slip, and down you fall
A turn of the head
The blackness stares back at you
The place you have come from
Jolting you forward
Eventually the road will smooth
The barriers become smaller
The hazards scattered further
The steps become quicker
Until the day when the light shines
Out in the distance
Something to march toward
Bright hope for the future…
Recovery is a journey
Whether from illness
Dependence
Or from tragedy
Torturous endurance
Pain and devastation
So easy to surrender
So easy to turn back.
Keep the pace…moving forward…
Profile Information
Gender: MaleHome country: United States
Current location: Southern Plains
Member since: Sun Sep 29, 2024, 08:07 PM
Number of posts: 648